Review | I'll Give you the Sun

Oh my goodness! I've just this minute finished I'll give you the Sun by Jandy Nelson and have got to blog about it. I think this might be my favourite book of 2015! It's a goodun!

If you haven't read it, I'll give you a little summary. The novel is basically about two artsy and once inseparable twins, Noah and Jude, who drift apart after the death of their mother. The novel shifts between the perspective of both twins at two different moments in time. Noah wants to kiss the boy next door, while Jude has sworn not to kiss any boys at all. This is a story of first love, family loss and betrayal, but both twins have only half the story.

I cannot praise this book enough. I devoured every single morsel of this book.

I decided to read I'll give you the Sun after I read Fangirl because I wanted to see who portrayed twins in the best way. It was intriguing that both writers dealt with twins and unconditional love, but also separation and heartbreak. If I'm honest, I thought Nelson dealt with the relationship of twins in a much more poetic and beautiful way than Rowell and I just felt for the twins more.

First of all, the language in this novel is seriously gorgeous. Yes, their may be too many metaphors here and there, but it's extremely heart wrenching at times.

I'd say that Noah was my favourite character in the novel. I think homosexuality is a really important topic to deal with in fiction and the way she dealt openly with Noah and Brian's relationship made it seem so real, like she didn't avoid the subject and homosexual romance, but real, honest homosexual love.

I don't think Noah and Jude could have done any more to ruin each others lives. They both were really just as bad as each other and the jealousy they have between each other is so true with twins, brothers and sisters. I can definitely relate to that!

Colour. Colour. Colour. This book is so unique in it's look. I loved the splatters of paint in Noah's section of the book and the way the dark pages signalled dark times. It really went with Noah and Jude's personalities. This was different to anything I've seen in a young adult book before.

I don't think the novel would have been the same if it hadn't of flicked back and forward in time. Seeing the difference between Noah as a 13 year old and then as a 16 year old was so upsetting in so many ways and it kept me reading to find out what had gone wrong.

Without revealing too much, the one thing I wasn't too thrilled about was the ending. The happy ending. I like happy endings, don't get me wrong. But, I also like to be surprised. I like to feel like their could be more complications for the characters, that their stories are going to continue. I mean, I want the characters to be happy, I just sometimes feel like, in life, not everything ends completely perfect. And this did, everything was complete. Everything resolved neatly. I would have preferred if some things had of been left a bit more open.

Other than that, I was pleasantly surprised how much I actually enjoyed this novel. It had me almost in tears at one point which is hard to do, so I'll applaud the author for that. I can tell that a lot of thought has gone into making this novel and that the characters really mean a lot to her. That's the best thing, really.

Thanks for reading. Have a super-duper Christmas!

*****

 

"Maybe some people are just meant to be in the same story."

“I love you,” I say to him, only it comes out, “Hey.”
“So damn much,” he says back, only it comes out, “Dude.”

“It's never occurred to me that the stars are still up there shining even in the daytime when we can't see them.”

"When people fall in love, they burst into flames."



Review | Fangirl

Everyone keeps banging on about Carry On by Rainbow Rowell - I've heard a lot of great things...and there's me who hadn't even read Fangirl. Until Now. I managed to actually finish reading it on Tuesday evening - finally! So this is a rather late review...

I started reading this back in October. It's taken me a long time to get through it what with all the stuff I've had to read for Uni and all the essays I've had to write at the minute. But, it's done and it was so worth it. I read Eleanor and Park in September and loved it. I gave it FIVE big fat stars in this post right here. So, obviously, I had high hopes for Fangirl....and it really did not disappoint.

Fangirl:

Fangirl is everything it says in the title. It is a book all about fangirling and the fandom community. Cath's whole life is a dream world. She is in love with the Simon Snow book series. Growing up, Cath and her twin sister, Wren, consume their whole lives writing Simon Snow fan fiction, eventually acquiring thousands of views on their posts. Only, when they leave for college, while Cath is still addicted to the world of Simon Snow, Wren wants to move on and decides she doesn't want to share a dorm room with Cath. Cath has to share a room with a forthright roommate, Reagen, and is constantly in the presence of Reagan's ever-smiling boyfriend, Levi. Cath must juggle her online fan fiction world, with her creative writing course, with her social life and family life. But the main question is: can she leave Simon Snow behind?

I related with Cath's character SOO much. Aside from the fan fiction world which I have never been a part of, I have so much in common with her. I am extremely shy, I'm in my first year at uni, I love the imaginary world more than the real one and have unbreakable feelings for my sister. So yeah, it was easy for me to relate to her.

And, of course, Levi. Levi. Oh. My. I think I liked him more than Cath if I'm honest. He was just a nice guy, right? There are so many too-good-to-be-true characters in fiction (which obviously we adore - I mean come on!), but it's also nice to have a guy who's just 'normal'. I thought he was so sweet and his relationship with Cath, particularly the times when Cath would read him fan fiction, were the cutest parts in the book.

Whether this is a negative, I'm not sure. But my main problem with the book overall was its predictability. I mean, the characters were not predictable, but certain scenarios were. It was pretty obvious that Cath and Levi were going to get together - I figured that out on the first page. But, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't think Rowell would have been able to make it any less obvious if I'm honest.

I love the way Rowell dealt with Fangirl culture. I thought it was very real, the way people get so absorbed in another world is something I can definitely relate to, and I feel Rowell portrays this beautifully.

There were funny highs and sad lows. Overall, this was a really nice YA book with really likeable characters as I expected from Rowell. (I stayed up some nights unable to put it down, telling myself I could handle the sleep deprivation, so I'd say it was pretty good).

I can't say I enjoyed it more than Eleanor and Park because I just found that TOO good - I love that book so much - but, don't get me wrong, Fangirl would still be something I'd read all over again!

****

"Real life was something happening in her peripheral vision."

"I choose you over everyone."

"The more I care about someone, the more sure I am they're going to get tired of me and take off."

"I'm rooting for you."

Review | Near to the Wild Heart

Oh my goodness. How many essays?! I have an essay due Friday, and THREE, yes THREE, due next Friday and so I've been a little bit laggy with the blog posts. But, I'm here now writing this up, knowing that I'll kick myself if I don't (probably not literally though cos I'm a woss).

Ok, so this week I've been reading Clarice Lispector's Near to the Wild Heart. I'm reading it alongside Catcher in the Rye which I'm re-reading for my essay on Friday. I wouldn't usually write reviews on books I've read at Uni, or ones that aren't contemporary, but this one I felt like I really should. To me, it is one of those novels that has just completely slipped from under peoples noses and should be celebrated and considered a classic!

This isn't so much a review, as me just sharing my thoughts on this incredibly well-written novel.

Here we go.

Near to the Wild Heart is told from the perspective of Joana and skips back and forth between various moments in her life: in particular, her childhood, where she lives with her father, until she is sent to her Aunt's when he dies, and when she steals a book from a shop and is sent to a boarding school, and also her adulthood, stuck in a dead-end marriage to a man who cheats on her and gets another woman pregnant while battling with her amorality and thoughts of what life truly is.

It is not that the story is mind-blowingly good, but the language Lispector uses that really is worthy of more acclaim. Every line was quotable, truly something else. The language was beautiful at times and gave Joana a really eccentric, quirky character (who you seriously would not want to mess with!)

Lispector claimed that she intentionally wrote a bad book. A lot of other people in my seminar agreed with her. But, I don't see it. I think that the book is the complete opposite. It is difficult to understand at times and Joana's character seems completely inhuman throughout, but their can be no denying the fact that this novel isn't badly written at all. For me, I love words, and so, reading something like this is just brilliant.

The novel reminded me very much of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath which is one of my faves and it should be up their with names like Plath, Joyce and Kafka.

The novel is not for everyone. I'm not suggesting you go out of your way to buy it either. Of course, I'd prefer reading The Catcher in the Rye to this - its far simpler and Holden Caulfield is far more relatable. However, if you are looking for something a bit different, with language that is just incredible, I'd say to grab a copy.

****

 

 

 

  

"She expected nothing. She was in herself, the end itself."

"She wanted even more: to be reborn always...where every tiny act had a meaning, where the air was breathed as if for the first time."

"The globe moved and she was standing on it."

"She remembered: I am the light wave that has no other field but the sea."

A-Z OF ME

I have been so slack with blog posts recently. I keep going to post stuff, but I don’t feel like it’s all that important or I feel like I’m just posting because I have to. I want my posts to be good, no matter how long it takes me to make them. So, yeah, sorry about that.

I thought this was going to be really hard to do, but it actually wasn’t (well, until I got to Z). Emmie of Carpe Diem Emmie had done this post before to celebrate 2000 twitter followers and I thought I’d give it a go because I liked the idea of it.

So here we go.  

 

The A-Z of Me:

A is for awkward. I have to be one of the most awkward people on the planet. I can make normal everyday situations something totally let-the-ground-swallow-me-up-I hate-myself awkward. I’ll have a conversation with someone and think it is going alright, then later when I am driving home or about to go to sleep the same evening, I’ll remember something completely awkward and embarrassing I said and spend the rest of the week cringing at it.

 

B is for books. Most of my books are stored away in my wardrobe as I simply do not have enough room to put them on my shelves. I’m hoping to put some up on my walls, but I need to put some shelves up first.

 

 

C is for creative. I have a very crazy imagination underneath all this normal (…really?...well, slightly less crazy) exterior.

D is for dreams. I am a dreamer. I always have been. I’m always under the impression that if I work hard and wait long enough all of my dreams will come true. I find dreams and dreaming fascinating and I’ve heard a about people keeping a dream diary for their writing. I wonder if I could create the next Frankenstein’s monster? (My actual dreams can be quite weird at times too).

 

 

E is for eczema. I have a lot of allergies, but the biggest one I used to suffer very badly from was eczema. At the age of 2, I was wrapped up in bandages because I had it so bad that I would rub my wrists and legs against the carpet until they bled - it was that itchy!

F is for forgetful. I will hop down the stairs and go into the kitchen. I’ll look around and completely forget what I went in there for. Hop back up the stairs and then realise what I wanted. Back we go.

G is for grown-up. I am only eight-teen. I am still very young, goofy and childish (very childish!). I don’t want to grow up. Period. I am Holden Caulfield.  

H is for hot chocolate. I haven’t ate a chocolate bar or chocolate cake in almost 2 years. It was my new years resolution in 2014 not to eat chocolate for the year (somehow I managed it!) But I said that this year I could eat it whenever I wanted, only I haven’t. However, one thing chocolatey that I just had to have was a nice hot chocolate. To me, in these wintry months, there is nothing better than snuggling up by the fire with a furry jumper, slippers and a warm cup of hot chocolate.

I is for Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. As I’ve already mentioned before, this is my favourite song ever!

J is for jelly babies. These are my favourite sweets.

K is for Katie. My beautiful sister, who is also the sassiest and moodiest person I know, but I love her.

 

 

 

 

L is for laughter. I find other people’s laughter hilarious. One of my favourite things in the world (legit) is the sound of awkward laughter. That kind of deep, slow, awkward laugh just cracks me up all the time. Laughter is contagious and I love laughing.

M is for Marie. I have always hated my double-barrel last name (partly because teachers always used to call me Randall at school). When I used to go into Waterstones and gawp at the rows and rows of novels stacked up high on shelves, I always imagined what it would be like to find my name on one of them. I always imagined it would say Lauren Marie (Marie is my middle name). So, I guess, Lauren Marie is my pen name. And p.s. I still do imagined my name on the side of books. That would be mental.

N is for nursery. Oh those were the days. Watching kipper the dog in a circle around the block of a TV box with a dear friend of mine. I hate the thought of losing touch of a best friend who I’ve known for 16 years! But, I guess, we lead two completely different lives. The good thing I know is that, no matter how long it has been, whenever we meet up, it will be just like nursery again. Literally.

O is for online. I’ll be honest, I found this one the hardest to come up with, because ‘I’ was already taken (i.e. internet). But it’s the same thing so, yeah. For most people living in the 21^st century the internet is such an important thing. It is a very powerful thing as well. I’m always on things like twitter and YouTube. The internet allows people all over the world to connect with each other which I think is super powerful (and at times quite scary).

P is for photos. Now I can appreciate a beautiful picture of a sunset or a boat sailing in the tranquil waters like most people, but my favourite pictures are ones that contain memories. I want to start a collage of photos on ones of my bedroom walls because there is just something so lovely about looking back at great moments in your life with the people that you love.

 

 

Q is for quiet. Hmm. I don’t know whether I am more shy or quiet. Naturally, I am a shy person. I don’t like being the centre of attention. But, I am very open (a bit too much sometimes). I have a tendency to mumble which makes me seem very quiet and when I get embarrassed, I tend to speak quieter.

R is for random. I am an extremely random person. You do not want to know what is going on in this lil brain of mine.

S is for scarves. I’m not one for fashion, but I know that a nice scarf can really make an outfit and I love them!

T is for travel. There are soooo many places in the world. I have been fortunate enough to have been to some lovely places, like Verona, Mexico and Rhodes. One place I’d love to go to is America.

 

 

U is for university. I am still at university (which has surprised me as I’d thought it quit at it – like I usually do with things – in the first 2 weeks), but I’m still going at it! I have learnt a lot about writing during these first 2 months and I’m putting together a huge list of all the writing tips I have come across for this blog. There is so much reading to do and it is like being back at school, but I’m actually starting to enjoy it.

V is for vlogging. I only started getting into the world of vlogging earlier this year, but I absolutely fell in love with it. I am quite glad I didn’t find it until after I’d pretty much finished my school life, because I feel I wouldn’t have been able to focus on my school work. That wouldn’t have been good.

W is for words. Writer would be too obvious and, after all, we are all writers. I feel there is a big difference between writing novels (which I haven’t yet done) and writing blog posts. But the one thing that makes them very similar is words. I simply love words. If you didn’t know, that means I’m a logophile!

X is for xmas. Obviously, not many words begin with x. Actually, thinking about it, Christmas doesn’t even begin with x, but never mind. X is for xmas because Christmas is the best time of the year. As soon as that Christmas tree goes up I’m instantly in the Christmas spirit. I love the way the family all get together at this time of year and it’s just such a happy festive time.

Y is for Young Adult. I am a young adult. But I also read a lot of young adults novels and it is the kind of genre that I want to write within. Whether this will change as I get older I don’t know, but for now, this is my favourite genre of books.

Z is for zebra, zazzy, zenzizenzizenzic (yay!)

 

I really hope you enjoyed finding out a little more about me and stick around for more posts on all things books and me!

Lauren x

RIP Hamuelle

I've always been allergic to most animals. When I'm around cats my eyes itch like crazy and my nose starts running and if I stroke a horse, I sneeze repeatedly. But with hamsters, I've always been fine around them. We've had two hamsters as pets in our house, because they are the only animals (along with fish and tortoises) which I'm not allergic to. And of course, being young, we always give them extremely stupid names. Our fist was called Hamlet. And our second Hamuelle.

Originally, it was my sister who wanted another hamster after Hamlet died. She said she would look after him and that I didn't need to do anything with him because she'd do it all. But my sister is lazy. So, I ended up looking after the little fluff ball.

We were in pets at home, and searching through the shelves of animals. I saw lots of really playful hamsters climbing all over their toys and houses, others racing around chasing each other, some stuffing their faces with food, but my sister caught sight of a tiny grey ball of fur in a wooden tunnel, like the plastic ones children play in. As we looked closer, we noticed that he was breathing excessively and making high-pitched squeaking noises; he was stuck. My sister called for help. A young lady came over and had to tap the wooden tunnel gently for him to come out. She somehow managed to push him out and he waddled to the back of the cage. Even though all the other hamsters looked friendly and playful as ever, and this one looked a bit choked up and scared, we knew that this hamster was the one for us.

We took him home. Oh, and when I say him, at the time we thought he was a she. The lady who gave him to us, told us Hamuelle was a girl, so we got him a pink cage. But when it was starting to get hot, we noticed that two balls were poking out near his bum; Hamuelle was a boy. So, we just decided that he was going to be the coolest gay hamster ever (not to be sexist). 

We sorted his cage out nicely for him - making sure not to include any confined tunnels. He had these beady black eyes and soft grey fur. When he got out of the cardboard container, he went straight to his house filled with bedding. The lady told us to leave him be for a while to get settled. So we waited until the evening and then stroked him as much as possible when evening eventually did fall upon the world.

Hamuelle soon became very playful once he settled in. He loved running about in his ball and hanging from the bars of the top of his cage (we had to cellotape them so he didn't escape during the night). However, playing in his ball wasn't his favourite thing to do. No. That hamster loved to eat. We gave him standard hamster mix every other day, but he wanted more. He was the most diva-like hamster ever. I'd feed him chocolate drops every once in a while, which he loved. He'd wait at the top level of his cage, his nose sniffing through the bars and his mouth upon, waiting for me to give him some. To make up for all of the unhealthy chocolate I was feeding him, I gave him cucumber, grapes and raisins (he loved raisins!). I'd also give him sweet popcorn (more often than I probably should have - but he could be one persuasive hamster if he wanted something!). Boy, did he love popcorn. I'd put it in his bowl, and he'd flick all of his normal food out of the bowl searching for more. His cheeks were usually as wide as anything whenever I looked at him. I'd stare at him like he was a naughty child. He'd stare back and then scurry off into his house where he'd eat it all. Hamuelle also didn't like his house very much as you can see in the picture. I mean he was a BIG hamster. He'd take all of his bedding out and make a little nest for himself on the bottom level of his cage and sleep there. It's amazing how much hamsters can fit in those little cheeks of theirs.

However, in August of this year, my mum phoned me and said that Hamuelle was falling over. I instantly thought, well, if he is going to die, I'd rather him go sooner than later, rather than suffering. Hamuelle had had a stroke. When I saw him, he wasn't running about. He was still eating well. But, I didn't get him out of his cage for a while. We let him rest and, thankfully, Hamuelle did get better. He still wasn't the same, but I got him out of his cage and treated him as I usually would. A few weeks ago, however, Hamuelle had another stroke. Looking at him wobble his way over to his food bowl and fall on his back when I gave him popcorn brought me to tears a few times. He began to lose his appetite and would rarely come out from where he was sleeping. I said goodbye to him on Wednesday night because I knew that he was going to leave the world. And sure enough, when I got back home yesterday afternoon, he had passed. We buried him underneath a plant pot in our garden.

Considering the fact hamsters usually only live between two and three years - they even say three years can be a push - Hamuelle did extremely well! I loved that little, (I'm using that word loosely) happy hamster and hope he sleeps well in heaven. I also think he'll be asking for a bigger house when he's there!

Love always

Lauren :D

Scene between two paradoxical characters

I feel really bad for not having posted anything recently! To be honest, I've been out of ideas. Plus, I've been really busy at uni getting essays in on time (well...just) and reading lots of books for my course. I thought I'd post a short scene I've written between two paradoxical characters I had to create for my creative writing module. It's not the best piece of fiction, but the whole point of the exercise was to write something short fairly quickly and then in the seminar pick it apart and see where it can be improved. We've been reading Scarlet Thomas' book 'Monkeys with typewriters' which has been really helpful in learning the fundamentals of novel writing. This week, we've been focusing on how to write a good sentence. Cutting out the adverbs. Using word banks. Making it clear and true.  

I'm a very minimalistic writer. I always have been. I get bored when I read novels that are all description and no action. I don't like overly describing the setting because my main focus is on the story and the characters within it. I agree that there should be an even spread of description and story-telling, but sometimes I find that writers can go a bit overboard with unnecessary description. I for sure don't want to short change anyone reading my work, however I feel that people can imagine most things themselves. Maybe I'm wrong. It's just been something on my mind for a little while.

Anyway, this is a very short scene between a ten year old girl in a wheelchair and an adventurous boy, of the same age, at a park.  

 

This surely must be the best time of day, Sam thought to herself, while watching the black-bird looping through the square holes in the park fence and twirling toward a maple tree who’s crispy, orange leaves were being trodden on by eager children.

‘So you’ve never been on a swing?’ Mason asks her, with an evident lisp that made a whistling noise.

She peeps up at him. ‘No.’

‘Or a slide?’

‘No.’

‘Or climbed a tree?’

‘No.’

‘Or been swimming?’

Sam’s eyes widen. ‘Oh. I like swimming.’

Mason smiles. ‘Me too. I’m pretty good.’ She watches as his head blocks the after-school sun, his blonde hair filling the space where the rays should be. He kicks his legs back and forth. His shoes are the ones that light up as you walk. She could watch him walk for hours. What else is there to do?

She peers down at her shoes. ‘But it’s not the same.’ She says, the side of her mouth twisted in a half-smile. ‘It can’t be the same as walking.’

Mason swings his legs forward effortlessly, then back with such ease she thought he must be a fairy, like in the stories her mum had read to her a million times. As he flies forward again, he leaps off of the swing and lands on both feet beside her. The lights flicker on his shoes.

‘You have no idea.’ He says.

A chill brushes her neck. Angry footsteps fill her ears, creeping louder and louder. Her mum is power-walking toward her, keeping her black eyes locked on Mason’s, like if he got any closer, breathed on her, touched her, Sam would disappear.  

 

I'm hoping it doesn't get completely torn to shreds in my seminar tomorrow (which is very likely!). But, I guess negative criticism is better than none at all. That's the whole point of the exercise I guess.

If I can, I might post the altered version of this to see the improvements.

Thanks for reading and do let me know what you think :D

Lauren x

My favourite song

If their is a song that I could listen to for the rest of my life, it would be Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. Without a doubt. There is something about the song and the lyrics that really get to me. I play it when I am writing, I play it on my way to uni, I play it when I am reading, I play it just before I go to bed at night. For me, songs are more about the words than they are about the melodies and the instrumental (although, who doesn't appreciate the opening to Guns N' Roses Sweet Child O' Mine which has equally great lyrics!) The lyrics in this song are so powerful and relatable in so many ways. When someone asks me what music I listen to, I usually say rock, pop, and anything in-between. But, to be honest, I like all music. Most of the time, my music taste is quite eclectic and I have to keep my earphones on so that my parents don't have to listen to it. Generally, I appreciate anything that has moving lyrics. Sweet Child O' Mine, Time by Pink Floyd (or anything by Pink Floyd), My immortal by Evanescence, Thank you for the venom by My Chemical Romance, The Pass by Rush, Fallen Angels by Black Veil Brides (just because I can't not put a BVB song on here because I love them!). All these songs have great lyrics, in different ways. I know it can be quite hard to pick a favourite song, but these are just ones that I play a lot. I also listen to a lot of the radio one live lounges. 5SOS's drown was great, Miley Cyrus made me fall in love with Summertime Sadness which I didn't actually like when it came out and 30 Seconds to Mars cover of Stay was super cool (got to love Jared Leto!) So yeah, this post was quite random. I've been very into my music lately and these are just a few of the songs I've been at the moment.

 (obviously the colour in the printer was running low)

Iris by Goo Goo Dolls lyrics

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later its over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am


Do you have any favourite songs?

Lauren x